Of course I failed to mention this in my last update… and although it’s not directly related to nursing school, I started seeing someone new. Ironically, this all began to unfold only a couple days after posting my entry “being on your own”. While I’m trying not to let my new relationship impact my studies and work habits it has been challenging to say the least. It’s 2:30am and I’m trying to salvage what’s left of my weekend to study for my test on Tuesday. Even though I packed up 3 bags to bring all my textbooks to his house, I spent probably an hour skimming through my readings.
With the pace of winter term and my first test grade of a B-, I know my chances of keeping straight As are slipping through my fingers. I was content with being alone and studying all weekend long before I met him but now I know how everyone else in my program must feel! (Since I’m in an accelerated program, many of the students in my cohort are in serious relationships or married.) In my study buddy group, I can see how a relationship can make or break your GPA. Our “leader” who has taught us many concepts based on her real life experience is engaged and cohabitating with a very low drama partner after being in a relationship for several years. This stability probably played a significant role in her 4.0 last semester, though mostly she’s just brilliant. Our “planner” who kept everyone aware of deadlines and encouraged extreme studying sessions, is in her first relationship and its approaching the 1 year mark. She’s still very much in the puppy love stage and though they spent a lot of their dates studying for their own classes, I secretly wondered if my “singleness” gave me the slight edge for the A-s in the classes she got B+s.
I’m probably overanalyzing all this but I know what’s true of my own pattern with dating: Ever since I had my first big crush on a guy, I have been totally distracted in school. I’ve always made romance my top priority and school fell by the wayside. I promised myself I would never do that again and that I would get straight As in nursing school come hell or high water. I imagined if I did happen to get a B it would be because I tried my best but was truly not grasping the material. Now I fear I will be kicking myself for letting my guard down and focusing on my feelings yet again.
Balancing work and a newfound personal life is going to make the next year (and three weeks) of this program even more challenging!